An early Christmas present

Where does the time go? How can it possibly be November and almost MID November at that? I confessed to DB the other night that I hadn't written a post in weeks, mainly because I'm worried things are now a bit boring and I'm coming across as a bit smug. I apologise if I am doing either of these things. And maybe I should write about the things I am finding frustrating over the constant feeling that I have that I am LOVING where we've moved to. But he suggests I try to do a bit of both. As while I am loving where we've moved to and the constant similarities with my life as a care free nanny in New England 17 years ago (only without the same energy levels) I do also have things I am worried about. 

The main one being that dirty word..... money. As now I am into my third month of not receiving a paycheck and we are having to spend great swathes of money (basement works) I am now wondering how the lovely rosy glow of 'stay at home mum' status will last. I need to economise but it's hard. I now have more time on my hands to enable me to mooch around shops like I've not done in years, but every time I spend money I have palpitations and wonder if we really do need that or this. In an attempt not to spend money I stay at home. But the flip side of this is I start to go stir crazy and am not a very happy mummy when everyone gets home. Yesterday I should have been cleaning the house as Wednesday is my 'cleaning day' (who'd have thought, once upon a time!) but I just couldn't muster up the energy. Mainly because I was troughing through the chocolate fudge brownies DD and I made on Tuesday! I'm cooking delicious meals for my family using the great ingredients I've taken time to source from different shops. But I'm too full of junk to enjoy them myself! I'm going to be the size of this house come Christmas! 

And then Christmas - I love Christmas. I always have, but another thing I've come to realise is I'm always trying to recreate the Christmas I had in New England when I was a nanny. I build myself up into such a frenzy trying to get things perfected that I inevitably have a massive row with poor DB around about Christmas Eve! Christmas usually equals money of course, so I'm worrying about how we'll do this year. But it surely has to be better than last years run up to Christmas. I was a nightmare to live with. We were having building work done on our London house so dust everywhere, it was DD's second birthday, I was coming to terms with the failure of another round of IVF and I was exhausted from working full time for a year. I actually asked DB if he wanted to divorce me as I wouldn't blame him if he did. We were barely speaking to one another come mid December but bizarrely my mum having a mini stroke just before Christmas seemed to start a healing process. DB rallied around me and insisted we go to my mums for Christmas Day instead of going to his mums as had been our first plan. He packed and did all the driving and kept asking me if I was ok. We spent a lovely few days with my mum who thankfully seemed to make a rapid recovery and then headed over to his mums and just relaxed and were a family again. 

Not rushing here or rushing there. My MIL and DD baked cookies together and I sat back and soaked it all up. This is what our life should be like. Slower, relaxed and family orientated. So as we drove away from my MIL's on a crisp New Years Eve morning last year, we passed a 'for sale' sign on what is now our lovely home and a plan started to hatch, that I still can't believe seems to have all come together. 

As a I write this it's quite therapeutic, a little self indulgent, but is a great reminder that yes, some things in life do cost money, like getting drains fixed, getting a damp basement dry, feeding a family, but what's more important is my husband and I have turned our life around. We are happier, calmer people; our daughter is a constant delight and has settled in so well in this new life; and we as a couple are stronger than ever. Now that is priceless, an early Christmas present. 

Making friends

Part of my moving away from London which I've not enjoyed is leaving behind my fantastic friends. Thankfully with the likes of texting, emails, Facebook etc the wrench is not feeling as bad as I'd feared. In fact it may even be increasing the amount of times I'm in touch with them. As so often happens in London, even though you live 'down the road' from friends the trials and tribulations of commuting in London, especially when juggling parenthood with work, can often mean we are too busy and too tired to catch up. 

But you can't beat face to face contact with like minded friends and I worried I'd not meet people that could fit into this vacant mould. But being a mum is a great enabler. Quickly I'm meeting other mums with similar aged children and who seem to have a similar sense of humour and 'likes' as me. 

This week I've progressed from the smile and 'hello' of arriving at playgroup/school/church to being invited back to people's houses and in turn me inviting them back to Fulwood for a coffee. This might seem a minor step but I'm still buzzing from the talks of future get togethers, trick or treating invites and now the thought of writing out invites to DD's upcoming birthday extending this out to more than just 'us'. Such trivial things in the grand scheme of life but so important to my new 'stay at hone mum' status. I'm missing the daily banter with work colleagues about TV programmes, news events, latest fashion trends and toilet training advice (for DD of course, not me!). So am looking forward to the increasing circle of new friends and new topics and I'm sure DB is looking forward to me having other people to discuss 'Strictly' outfits with each week! 

I'm also buzzing from having my 'story' which will be appearing in Good Housekeeping mag in their January issue read back to me. It's succinct but reminds me how this life change has had an easy organic development over the course of the last year. I hope it reads well to everyone else (and I hope my picture looks good - please let them have erased my grey roots?!!) but its hard to believe that for once I'll not be reading something in a mag wishing "if only I had the guts to do that"! I did and so far its working out ok. 

Getting back on track

So today I have a pretty good reason to keep my blog up to date. I'm off to London to appear in a photoshoot for Good Housekeeping magazine! I was interviewed over the phone last week and today is the opportunity to have some hopefully lovely photos taken of me to accompany the piece? Not sure of when it will I appear in print but as there are other women talking about changes they've made to their lives I'm assuming it may be a new year issue? 

Those who know me well, know I tend to wear my heart of my sleeve and so it will come as no surprise that I've been quite honest about my reasons for changing my life so dramatically (for me anyway). I'll not say more than that at this stage as I've not had the copy read back to me yet and I don't want to spoil anything for the mag. 

But today is the kick in the arse I think I need. I can't promote a blog that doesn't have any new content so I need to keep things up to date. 

Coming down to London as a 'visitor' as opposed to resident has had me thinking about the last month of living in the North East. Yes it's all still new and exciting but I've been pleasantly surprised how settled I feel already. But I think I'll enjoy my time down at a photoshoot on the other side of the lens, as over the years working in advertising I've had plenty of opportunities to be at shoots. But I've been there to make sure my paying client is getting the content they so desire, while also supporting my talented art director(s) when they are pushing for a something that will work artistically with the magazine we were representing. 

Today I don't have that worry - today I hopefully just have to be 'myself'. Problem with that is I'm über self critical and don't love having my photo taken. I'm usually 'snapped' mouth open while I'm busy talking or laughing! Or scrunched up with a multitude of chins! Saying that my wedding photos were amazing. Will Pascal was our photographer and did a great job of putting everyone at ease so there is barely a bad a photo amongst the hundreds we had taken on the day. It being GHmagazine I'm pretty sure they'll have a great photographer, hair and make up team etc. but then I'm worried about the other women who are going to be there. I'm feeling a little insignificant in that my life change while mammoth to me, I'm not sure how I'll stack up against what stories these other women have? I'll report back but I just need to relax and enjoy this for what it is. A treat. 

But a quick trip to London is a lovely treat. I'll get to visit some friends, god children and ex colleagues, have my hair and make up done but then be back up North in time for 'tea' tomorrow night. I'm liking this life!